"World's Dirtiest Old Man" Seeks Presidency, Girlfriend

From PR Newswire:

2007-04-02 17:34:06 -

NEW YORK, April 2 /PRNewswire/ -- Al Goldstein, 71, has announced his candidacy for President of the United States. Goldstein, who three short years ago was homeless, broke and now lives on his social security, chronicled his fall from grace in his recent autobiography, I Goldstein. Ideal experience, he says, for the nation's top job. Goldstein now writes his popular blog AlGoldstein .com, sponsored by adult search engine Booble.

"I had everything," Goldstein says on his new web site. "Eleven million dollars, wives, girlfriends, everyone loved me, but I lost it all because of my flaws, which are too many. Until recently, I was homeless. I'm coming to you today, a man full of regrets, and great memories, a humble human being."

A Korean War veteran, Goldstein received his degree in English from PACE University, and bounced around as photographer and tabloid journalist until he founded Screw Magazine in the summer of 1968. Within two years, Goldstein had accumulated seventeen arrests for obscenity, establishing his reputation as a champion of the first amendment. In 1976, Goldstein created and launched Midnight Blue, which became the most popular public access cable show in New York by featuring porn stars cavorting with Goldstein and celebrity guests.Driven to declare his candidacy by his tradition of public service in New York as champion of the first amendment, and with a New Yorker's rage at Republican anti-sex, pro-war policies, Goldstein hopes his candidacy will to attract sponsors to pay. "I think the American people want honesty in a candidate."

Bob (Booble Bob) Smart, Goldstein's campaign manager, and also a New Yorker, says the following: "Al Goldstein is a national treasure. As the world's dirtiest old man, Al has something to say about the world he helped create, and we Americans have a duty to listen." Indeed, the candidate shares some of his controversial opinions on his new website.

Iraq: "I am against that war. I am against all wars."

On Bush: "A liar, a former cocaine user, who has sent thousands of Americans to die for nothing."

On Gay Marriage: "They should be as miserable as heterosexual people."

On Obama: "He's unelectable. No one can pronounce his name."

On Hillary: "A fireplug with legs, a moralizer, no better than Bush."

Goldstein is running as a democrat, but Booble boss Smart says he may as well switch to independent. "Without another sponsor, we can't afford to travel Al to the relevant campaign stops in New Hampshire, Iowa and California, so we may instead wage an independent campaign, focused on the internet, radio, and the big porn shows, where Al's mostly likely voters will congregate."

A true romantic, Goldstein has very specific ideas about his running mate and first lady. "I really want to find a girlfriend."

Goldstein's candidacy follows a tradition that began in 1968 with the candidacy of black humorist Dick Gregory, and was continued, most recently, by former wrestler and TV announcer Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who served one term as Governor of Minnesota. Pornographer Larry Flynt and porn star Mary Carey, each posted a top twenty finish in California's 2003 free-for-all of a special Governor's election. Liberal actor, writer, and talk show host Al Franken is now running for the Minnesota senator's seat.Goldstein says his candidacy is not a joke. "I hope to be funny, without being a joke," says the septuagenarian pornographer; "my whole life has led me to this moment. I only want to make people smile, and maybe think a little bit before they vote."


Readers are warned that the Goldstein For President website is strictly adult-content, and contains images and verbiage which may be highly offensive even to some adults.

Bush May Try To Serve Third Term In 2008

JACKSONVILLE, North Carolina. April 1 — Vice President Cheney delivered a speech early Sunday morning before a formation of soldiers at Camp Lejeune in North Carolina. The speech was not publicized and the prepared remarks were intended to boost troop morale. The comments were fairly unremarkable except for one short comment near the end of the speech in which Mr. Cheney suggested that the Bush Administration may seek to challenge the 22nd amendment in the 2008 presidential election in an effort to ensure that the war in Iraq is successful.

Vice President Dick Cheney delivers a speech Saturday at Camp Lejeune, Jacksonville, North Carolina.

Mr. Cheney again cited the war in Iraq as a key component in the effort to combat terrorism, saying "The war in Iraq is such a crucial part of the greater war on terror that we currently have our legal advisors looking into the possibility that the 22nd Amendment may not apply in 2008."

Because the speech was not publicized and was held on a secure military base, very few journalists were present, and none were able to ask questions about what the Vice President's comments might mean. Repeated efforts to contact the Vice President's Office to clarify the comment were unsuccessful.

The 22nd Amendment to the Constitution prohibits U.S. Presidents from running for a third term, stating "No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice...". The 22nd Amendment was passed in 1951 after President Franklin Roosevelt broke a tradition that dated back to George Washington, in which Presidents voluntarily refused to run for a third term.

Click to read the rest of the article by Philip McKrack of the New York Times.

Editor's Note: The above is just an April Fool's Day joke, and should not be interpreted as a real news article.

Clinton, Edwards Break Fundraising Records

Two Democratic presidential candidates broke previous fundraising records during the first three months of the year, with Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton setting a high bar of $26 million in new contributions for the quarter.

Former Sen. John Edwards raised more than $14 million since the beginning of the year. Clinton also transferred $10 million from her Senate campaign account, bringing her total receipts for the quarter to $36 million.

Unlike Edwards, Clinton aides would not reveal how much of her total was available only for the primary election and how much could be used just in the general election, if she were the party's nominee. By not breaking down the amount available for the primaries, the Clinton camp made it impossible to assess how much of an edge she actually has over Edwards.

Edwards' aides said about $1 million of his $14 million in contributions could only be used in the general election, should he win the nomination.

Neither Clinton nor Edwards disclosed how much money they spent in the quarter or how much cash they had in hand — numbers that also give clues to the relative strengths of the campaigns.

Still, the total raised by each candidate outdistanced past presidential election records and set a new bar by which to measure fundraising abilities.

Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois — sandwiched in public opinion polls between Clinton and Edwards — had yet to reveal his totals. Obama was expected to be among the top Democratic fundraisers.

Click to read the rest of the article by AP writer Jim Kuhnhenn.

Kent McManigal Interview With PE'08

Kent McManigal is seeking the Libertarian Party and Boston Tea Party nominations, and took the time to answer a few questions about his campaign, as well as what he hopes to accomplish. His website is at www.kentforliberty.com

Why did you decide to run for president?

Back in the fall of 2003 I had gotten very excited about Micheal Badnarik's campaign. I spoke to him on the phone a couple of times and really liked him as a person, and agreed with him as a candidate. I was thrilled and surprised when he actually got the LP nomination, even though he was not the favorite going into the convention.

Then the 2004 election came and he got very few votes. I was very disappointed that no one seemed to even notice that anyone other than the Republican/Democrats were running. I decided to try to change that. I couldn't ask someone else to do something if I was not willing to do the same myself.

So, this is what I did: The day after the election, I began my own campaign. I had no money to spend, and no political connections, but with an early start I though that just maybe I could get some momentum building. I compared this to the motion of a glacier. I set up a Geocities webpage to lay out my "agenda" and explain my positions. I began to spread the word on the internet and through "guerilla marketing" techniques. I did not affiliate myself with any party, but just plainly stated where I stood. I knew I was much more "libertarian" than anything else. I asked for anyone who wished to support me to become my campaign staff and promote my candidacy in any way they saw fit. It has actually worked better than I should have expected.

What do you expect to accomplish with your campaign?

Expectations? I am not sure I "expect" anything, although I know what I would like to see accomplished. I would like to get attention focused on the cause of liberty, and make people rethink their own notions of freedom. I would like for people to recognize that their vote is only wasted if they vote for the lesser of two evils instead of the candidate they would actually prefer to see win. I would like for Americans to stop and think about what America has become in the years since the revolution, and see how far we have strayed from what America was designed to be. And, I would actually like to become the next President of the United States.

What will be your main priorities if elected?

To get the federal government back under the control of the people; in line with the highest laws of the land: the Constitution and the Bill of Rights.

Thanks, Kent, and best of luck with your campaign!

Gene Chapman Withdaws Candidacy

Gene Chapman has withdrawn his candidacy effective March 29, 2007. He had announced his candidacy in July 2006. Most of his focus was on the Libertarian Party, although he billed himself as a multi-party candidate.

Chapman was probably best known as one of the "two whackjobs" described in a now-infamous blog post by Jacqueline Paisley Passey, who rated Chapman as her last choice for the Libertarian nomination, even behind a man she described as an "incoherent whackjob" and "none of the above".

His announcement is as follows:

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Posted 3/29/2007 08:34:00 PM by Gene
Greetings,

I've carried the ball as far down field as I can. With 4 jobs and school starting in June, along with not having a truck to carry me to presidential debates, I see no way to continue the campaign.

I've withdrawn from the race and have my sights on the Class Action Materials and operating under the redar toward the Tribulation Period. I've deleted all the websites relating to the campaign.

If there were a following for our ideas, it would have already show itself in the form of a donation.

God Bless you,

Gene Chapman
genechapman@hotmail.com

Chapman's campaign blogs have been deleted. His main blog at www.genechapman.blogspot.com, however, appears to still be in use.